


Bucket List

by boo_skw



Category: PRISTIN (Band)
Genre: 2kyung, Aged Up, Angst, Bucket List, Cancer, F/F, So so much angst, i cant stress that enough, ill add tags as i go, roa is 26, set in england cause why not, yuha is 25
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-28
Updated: 2017-11-03
Packaged: 2018-12-20 21:30:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11929659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boo_skw/pseuds/boo_skw
Summary: In a desperate attempt to live her last days to the fullest, Kyungwon drags her best friend, Minkyung, across the country to try and complete her bucket list.Little does Minkyung know that there is another list that Kyungwon has kept secret from her.





	1. Symptoms

**Author's Note:**

> Just a disclaimer: i have never had a personal experience with cancer so i spent a long time researching this particular type, but if you feel i am not writing it correctly or im not being respectful in the way i write this then please feel free to tell me and ill do my best to correct it.
> 
> i wrote this between the hours of 3 and 7am so u know its good (jk help me im dying)
> 
> also [here](http://suan.fm/mix/jp4RRak) is a playlist i listened to whilst writing, if you like to check it out :)

Cold sweat clung to stray hairs and formed freezing rivulets that swam down her back, causing a violent shiver in the otherwise stifling doctor’s office.

Snapping out of the silent, blank state the whole room had been in for what seemed like hours, her mother shot up to grab her coat and wrap it around her shoulders, rubbing the material in a wasted attempt to generate some warmth.

None came.

Icy, frigid chill washed over Kyungwon’s body once again as she read the words for the 36th time.

_Acute Lymphoblastic Leukaemia._

Cancer. She had cancer. When they had sent her blood off for Oncology tests she had assumed it was over-precautious. Unnecessary. Pointless.

But it was real, it was happening, and at an alarming rate.

-

The symptoms had started small but rapidly built in severity over a month or so.

In the beginning, it had been volleyball practice, in which she had once been the star player, picked as the top contender for the national team.

“Come on, Kang! Pick up the pace!” Coach Turner yelled from across the court, though her voice rang around Kyungwon’s head as if she had screeched directly into her ear.

Hands on knees, she sat down to catch her breath, hitting the floor in frustration as they were only 10 minutes into practice and she shouldn’t be this exhausted yet.

Coach Turner clearly shared the same sentiments as she stormed across the court to give Kyungwon a bollocking for staying up late and doing typical “teenage things”.

However, not a single word of her rant was heard, between ringing ears and blurring vision, Kyungwon struggled to stay upright and eventually collapsed into her coach’s arms.

When she came to the room was almost empty bar her coach, the school nurse and Kim Minkyung, the rest of her team mates deciding to give her space and go get coffee instead.

“That was quite the fall Kyung, I always knew you had a flair for the dramatic” Minkyung’s eyes crinkled with her light laughter but there was no hiding the concern laced in every feature and eyebrow raise.

-

After waking up all the symptoms had disappeared so it was written off as a onetime thing, and when it happened again 3 days later, Kyungwon decided that it was another onetime thing that held no cause for concern.

The second strain of symptoms appeared roughly a week after the first fainting.

It was an uncharacteristically hot day in September, so when Kyungwon and Minkyung arrived at the café for their weekly brunch session and Kyungwon removed her jacket, a sharp gasp was heard.

“Kyung…your arms” Minkyung pointed to two large bruises on Kyungwon’s upper arms, same height as where Minkyung had given her a strong hug earlier that day.

“Woah! Volleyball must be doing your spindly arms some good, I didn’t know you had this kinda strength in you” The short haired girl let out a nervous chuckle as she poked at the bruises. She had never bruised easily so it was out of the ordinary.

Just as she was about to press two fingers below the bruise on her left arm and test it, yet another yelp came from Minkyung as she rushed to throw a handful of wadded napkins across the table.

“Your nose is bleeding!” she stuttered out, still flustering over the napkins and muttering under her breath about how they don’t have enough.

Kyungwon brought a hand to her face to have it come away covered in blood, and when she stood up to run to the bathroom she had her 3rd dizzy spell in the last week, making her stumble and almost miss the door.

-

Soon after her dizzy spells turned into awful, debilitating headaches that felt like someone had cracked her skull open with a sharp rock.

Mums old way of stroking her hair to help her through sickness is no help as each slight touch resembles each and every hair follicle being ripped from her head all at once.

But surprisingly it isn’t her mum that pushes her to take further medical action, if given the option her mother would continue pumping her full of pain killers and iron supplements, shouting anaemia till the end.

No, the one who pushed her to make that fateful doctor’s appointment was Minkyung, she had been there at every new reveal of a symptom, had suffered through late night phone calls when Kyungwon woke up with a splitting headache and night sweats.

She had watched as her best friend slowly became a person she couldn’t recognise, someone with gaunt features, no muscle and bruised skin. Someone who had to take an hour nap on her desk after climbing the two flights of stairs at their shared workplace.

“If you don’t make this appointment I’ll share the Sasuke x Naruto fanfiction you wrote in year 9” The glint in Minkyung’s eye should never be mistaken for playfulness, she will always, undoubtedly, go through with her threats. As Kyungwon had found out back when they were 16. She had infamously doubted Minkyung’s integrity when she had threatened to tell Kim Mingyu that she had both a crush on him AND a foot fetish.

“Fine, fine I’ll book an appointment, but they’re only going to tell me what I already know”

And maybe that was it, maybe she jinxed herself by saying out loud that she thought she knew so much. Maybe it’s a cruel fate, already planned for her since the day she was born. Maybe Kyungwon’s just the unluckiest person on the planet.

Either way, that didn’t change the fact that she now had to somehow break the news to her closest friend. Which could prove to be the most painful thing she has ever and will ever experience, and that’s saying something.


	2. Signed with a Glitter Pen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully writing it down will make Kyungwon more determined to complete them before her timer inevitably runs out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is much longer than the last chapter whoopsies, but i ended up having to add a few more sections to build the context.....

Kyungwon paced outside Minkyung’s apartment, her mother parked just out of sight. There was no way she’d have let her leave the house all alone after the diagnosis, so she was followed everywhere, even to the point that her mum would knock on the bathroom door at 10 minute intervals to check she hadn’t fallen. Though Kyungwon could tell she had never left the door during those 10 minutes, too scared to leave her for even a second “just in case”. In fact, it was a miracle she had even agreed to park in a place where she couldn’t see the door to Minkyung’s apartment, or even agreed to let Kyungwon go in by herself. However, her mum understood how delicate of a situation this was.

How do you tell your best friend of 9 years that your body is attacking itself in the most vicious way imaginable?

How are you supposed to live knowing that the person you fell in love with 5 years ago will grow old without you?

These questions and many more flit through Kyungwon’s head as she decides whether or not to ring the bell.

A whole 20 minutes passed before she finally mustered up the courage, taking a deep breath as Minkyung buzzes her up.

As she pushed the door open to enter the building she remembers a time, around three years ago, when Minkyung first moved into this apartment. 22 years old, straight out of university. She had been, to put it simply, shitting herself when the moving van pulled up to her parents’ old house ready to take away everything she owned, fretting like a mother about to leave for a family holiday.

_“Have you seen the new apartment keys? I can’t find them anywhere and if I don’t have them then I can’t get into my apartment, and if I can’t get into my apartment the landlord is gonna be like ‘where are your keys?’ and if I tell him I lost them he’s gonna kick me out and then I’ll be homeless and-“ Minkyung takes a deep breath ready to continue her rant before Kyungwon cuts her off, placing a hand over her mouth._

_“Hey, hey, chill ok? We’ll find them, we just have to retrace our steps and they’ll show up in no time”_

_Minkyung’s eyes softened immediately and she smiled gently against the back of Kyungwon’s hand. She could tell she hadn’t completely relaxed just yet, but it was an improvement._

Back in the present she wishes, with all her heart, she could say something to calm her like she had all those years ago. Anything to settle the panic slowly bubbling up in the girl across from her as she takes in all the implications of Kyungwon’s condition.

“Cancer..” each repeat of the word effectively tightens the coil of dread and hysteria, and Minkyung is treating it as a mantra. The word is like a knife, every time it slips past her lips it shoots across table, directly into Kyungwon’s heart.

“I’m sorry, Min”

The shaken girl’s eyes dart up from the table at the sound of her voice.

“No, no no don’t be sorry, Kyung, its not your fault” she takes a deep shuddering breath. “Of course its not your fault, I just…you’re so…young, how could this happen to you?” It was clear the tears were threatening to pour and if there was one thing Kyungwon hated the most in the world it was the sight of her best friend breaking down.

It hadn’t happened often, Minkyung, whilst always the more honest with her feelings out of the two friends, was made of tougher stuff. But that only made it all the more shocking and distressing when she did let that front slip.

Plates clattered together slightly as Kyungwon pushed her chair from beneath her to cross the table and gather her friend in a hug just in time for the tears to pour relentlessly.

Hiccups and sniffling were all that was heard in the cosy apartment for half an hour before Minkyung’s tears finally began to dry up. She coughed a few times before weakly hitting Kyungwon’s chest.

“Why are you the one comforting me, dumbass, it should be me trying to make you feel better not the other way around” She chuckled lightly, re-wrapping her arms around Kyungwon’s waist and burying her face in her stomach.

“So… is there, like, a chance you could, you know…recover?” Her voice sounds so small muffled against Kyungwon’s hoodie and she hates it, she hates hearing the cracking vulnerability because she knows, this time, there’s nothing she can say to remedy it.

“Maybe” Choosing her next words carefully she strokes Minkyung’s hair. “Not a very big chance though, they said that 40% of people my age survive for 5 years after diagnosis so… there’s that I guess” A sharp intake of breath near her stomach tells her enough.

The room falls silent again, Minkyung’s arms tighten around her waist, and she continues stroking her hair. It’s almost therapeutic. That is until Kyungwon’s illness rears its ugly head to remind her of her limitations.

Her muscles feel weak and shaky from standing up for so long, but she doesn’t want to jostle the other girl from her comfortable position.

She lasts only a few minutes longer before she gives in fighting the ache in her calves, pulling away from Minkyung she offers a weak, apologetic smile before pulling out the closest chair.

“Hey,” Minkyung’s eyes hold determination, making Kyungwon a little weary of her next words. “How about we write a bucket list?”

“A bucket list…?” The need for a bucket list had never arose before so she didn’t really know where to start, but if it could help distract her from the pained look hovering behind Minkyung’s eyes then she’d take it.

 

After a ‘quick phone call’ to her mum, still parked downstairs, that turned into a long discussion about why Minkyung was fully capable of caring for her for the night, Kyungwon turned to find out her friend had robbed a small stationary store.

“You don’t go to school anymore, why do you even need all these colours? Is that a drawing compass? How many circles are you drawing to necessitate a compass?”

“Oh shut up! We have to make the list look cute, I will not have you just plain ol’ bulletpointing for this” Honestly it was cute how dedicated Minkyung was, it sometimes made her wonder if she would be doing this for any close friend, or if Kyungwon was different, but she never let herself indulge in those thoughts for long.

An hour and 12 webpages later they had their list, it had been longer in the beginning but several had to be cut off due to practicality.

_“Ohh what about this, the La Tomatina, I wanna go do that” Kyungwon had been bouncing in her seat at the thought of being able to pelt a bunch of strangers with tomatoes, that was until Minkyung crushed her dreams._

_“You’re allergic to tomatoes you moron”_

The final list was as follows:

  1. Go on a road trip
  2. See the musical Chicago
  3. Get a tattoo
  4. Attend a gay pride parade
  5. Visit London (walk across abbey road)
  6. Visit Stone Henge
  7. Visit hometown of Gwangju
  8. Prepare a will



Short, but modest.

They had decided to do them all in one go, making the whole thing one huge road trip. And with one last flourish of a pink glitter pen, both Minkyung and Kyungwon had signed the page, binding them to complete all 8 commitments.

As they were settling down to sleep that night it was silent, not like any previous times they had had sleepovers in the past. The gravity of the situation fully settling in when you have time to spare, time to stare at a dark ceiling thinking about your own mortality.

Minkyung’s soft snores let Kyungwon know she was safe to creep back into the kitchen where all their stationary from earlier still lay out.

Ripping off a small piece of paper she set about writing a separate list, one Minkyung wouldn’t see or know about.

  1. Confess
  2. Kiss in the rain



Hopefully writing it down will make Kyungwon more determined to complete them before her timer inevitably runs out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so with the way ive planned it i should probably have about 11 more chapters?? maybe... that could change tho but anyway i hope youre enjoying the story so far and hmu on twitter @boo_skw if u wanna yell at me for writing about depressing subjects <3


	3. Blame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They knew in their hearts that a friendship like theirs was hard to come by. That if they let this go they would regret it for the rest of their life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so first of all im sorry this took so long, i hit writers block and then added with the stress of moving halfway across the country for university i just pushed writing this further and further back until it was 2 months since i last updated...... and all i can say is im sorry
> 
> also, this is quite clearly a filler chapter, i made a promise to myself to get a chapter out before Kyungwon's birthday and hecK YEAH i did it

From the day they met at 16 years old, both girls have done everything together.

They met when Minkyung moved to the school in December, mid-way through year 10, and was forced to stick with the brash and unwelcoming 'Welcome Buddy' that was assigned to her by her homeroom teacher. If you asked Kyungwon, however, it was her who was forced to show this sniveling newbie the ropes and teach her a thing or two.

Either way they'd both tell you that they hated each other's guts for the first month, and whilst at the time it felt like a genuine hate, hindsight told them that there was literally no reason for them to act like that.

Minkyung had transferred to the school from a private catholic school, where she had the rules of correct poise and proper conduct drilled into her on a daily basis, that contrasted with the graffitied bathrooms and rampant littering of Pledis Comprehensive School was quite the culture shock, to say the least. She hated how much Kyungwon swore, she hated how she slouched and ducked her head when walking through the corridors when she could look so much more confident if she just raised her chin.

Kyungwon hated that she acted so posh and upper class, she hated the way Minkyung sat upright and stood tall and looked like she thought she was better than everyone else, just because they were all working class and she'd been to a fancy Jesus school.

Many other students tried to befriend Minkyung before the novelty of the new student wore off and they lost interest. She had accepted her fate, she would be alone for the year and a half left of school before she could go off to college and ditch this place. At least, that’s what she thought would happen, she did not expect anyone to approach her, least of all the person who seemed to hate her more than anyone.

"Don't misunderstand. I'm only coming to sit next to you because you look so pathetic by yourself, it's not because I like you"

Stunned into silence Minkyung just stares at Kyungwon's lowered head until the jam filling in her sandwich starts to drop onto the table below.

This silent lunch date becomes a routine, continuing for two weeks before they have their first real, full conversation.

Kyungwon pulls out a comic from her backpack, as usual, but this time Minkyung recognizes the character posing on the cover.

"I-is that Spiderman?" She questions, making the other girl jump at the sound of her voice.

"Yeah, what's it to you?"

Kyungwon was preparing to retreat, to close herself off, obviously not used to people asking about her interests.

"I just" Minkyung starts, contemplating whether she should continue. "I think DC is better than Marvel"

"What?"

"DC, it's better than Marvel...cause they have Batman"

Kyungwon scoffed dirisively.

"Yeah cause a rich guy who dresses up as a bat and doesn’t have any superpowers at all is sooooo cool"

Rather ironic, that two people who hated each other because they disagreed on just about everything, bonded over yet another disagreement.

From that moment on their relationship flourished into something unbreakable, nearly every day was spent in each others company. From the day Minkyung broke her finger and Kyungwon stayed with her in hospital, to the day Kyungwon got sick and Minkyung skipped school with her. Their bond only grew tighter with each passing moment, surviving through the violent ups and downs of adolescence.

And when the time came to pick a university and they were unable to attend the same one they still kept in touch every day, because they knew in their hearts that a friendship like theirs was hard to come by. That if they let this go they would regret it for the rest of their life.

It was during these years apart that Kyungwon realised the feelings she harbored for her friend, the tug in her heart when the image of Minkyung's doe eyes and soft looking lips enter her dreams, the warmth in her face when the tall girl tells her she loves her and thanks her for the birthday present.

All the signs are there but she refuses to believe any of it until she receives a call in which Minkyung gushes about the boy who confessed to her that day, about how she thinks she might accept. At that moment Kyungwon fills with a white hot rage aimed at a guy she's never met and is probably an alright dude. It's that moment that Kyungwon accepts she may see her best friend as something more than just a best friend.

Months of struggling and stress followed her revelation as she fought with her desire to tell Minkyung and her worry that their friendship would suffer. As much as she loved her she would hate herself if she made her friend uncomfortable.

And so she decided that she wouldn't give away her feelings until she was on her deathbed, until everything was over and there was no where else to go she would finally let go of this giant weight on her shoulders.

Back then she didn’t know how true those words were, or how quickly her deathbed would show up on her doorstep.

As Kyungwon thinks back on that promise she made to herself 5 years ago, she wonders, was that it?

Was that the jinx that caused this chain of events?

Was that the moment when she cursed herself to this fate?

She knows it's pointless to ponder on the whys and what for's but she can't help blaming herself in some way for her miserable situation.

If she doesn't blame herself then who can she blame? If not her then who caused this?

The truth is no one is at fault, not really. Despite this, everyone will find fault in their own actions. Her mother will wonder on what could have happened if she quit smoking earlier. Minkyung will criticize herself for not noticing the signs earlier. Even her old volleyball coach will put some blame on herself for pushing Kyungwon too hard in practice.

Each night, as she coughs and wheezes in bed, thoughts of what she could have done differently plague her mind until she falls into an uncomfortable and uneasy sleep.


End file.
